Even despite its universality, jealousy – like so many other emotions labeled as “negative” – has long had a bad rep. From being listed as one of the seven deadly sins to pop culture references such as “Green Eyed Monster,” jealousy has long been been viewed as “bad” and mythology and history have overflowed with examples of evil queens and murderous rivals who did awful things, thanks to the roots of jealousy.
No wonder so many of us experience shame and humiliation when we admit to ourselves we’re jealous of what we see others having. Let’s face it: jealousy doesn’t always feel good to feel but that doesn’t mean it’s a “bad” emotion.
Jealousy, like so many emotions, can be a good teacher. Here are three ways and ideas about how and what jealousy can teach you if you tune into this clue:
– A clue towards your inner or true desires.
Instead of shaming or blaming yourself for feeling jealousy, I invite you to consider that jealousy is actually trying to get your attention and make you aware of what you truly want, what your deep desires are, and possibly take action on those desires. If you’re not getting what you want, and you’re feeling jealous, this is important information.
– An opportunity to notice what’s going well.
As counterintuitive as it may seem, I actually think that jealousy can give you a chance to notice what’s actually working well in your life. Jealousy can actually provide a chance for us to practice gratitude if we’re willing to untwist our thinking and change our perception about the situation. It shows you your capacity for love, loyalty, and honor.
– A chance to practice being with what is.
Finally, I think that acknowledging and accepting our feelings of jealousy can give us the proverbially ultimate personal growth opportunity: a chance to practice being with what is.
This is the work – the real work we’re always aiming for in psychotherapy: expanding our emotional containers so that we can feel all the multitude of feelings life contains. This personal growth work isn’t about eliminating or numbing out certain emotions; it’s about practicing feeling all of them so we can live our most enlivened life.
At the end of the day, jealousy is a great opportunity for us to practice being with what is and expanding our capacity to tolerate uncomfortable feelings.
It’s absolutely OK to have desires. To want. Without judgment.